Monday morning

Unlike most people, I love Monday mornings. That song by the Mamas and the Papas is a classic, but I just don't share the senitment. That's probably because I don't work on Mondays - one of the things about working for Habitat where Saturdays are the busiest for me. Today I'm especially happy because I got thru church yesterday without any mishaps. YAY! :) I have a lot of people to thank for that and thought, "why not do it on my blog where they and other people will actually see it so they get the recognition?"

First of all, thank you to trouble for proofreading, bolstering my self esteem, reminding me to breathe and actually sitting thru church when I know there were at least 3 other places she would have preferred to be. I love you, honey!

Secondly, thank you to RevHipchick (she is no longer seminarymamma since she graduated almost a month ago). Not only is she one of my best friends, she's also a great ear for my sermons. This is not the first time that she's listened to my writing and offered great advice to make it a sermon I was okay claiming and proclaiming. She's also one of the people for whom I was filling in this week and had several conversations with me about all the detailed questions I had (because that's the kind of person I am). She walked me thru everything and helped me feel more comfortable, even taking the time to have a long phone call the night before while she was out of town. Thanks, chica!

Thirdly, I have to thank PastorRed since he was the one who actually asked me to cover Sunday morning. He's the interim pastor for this congregation and I know he's still finding his rhythm there. While he was going to be at annual conference he could have asked other people, including retired ministers in the congregation, to cover the pulpit. Not only did he ask me, he gave me time to mull it over. Believe me - I did not say I'd do this very quickly! Thank you for your patience and confidence in me. :)

Lastly, but no means leastly, thank you to the rest of you out there who offered advice, support, encouragement, etc. Some of you are in the blogosphere, some of you are personal friends here in KC or from OKC, and some are family members who are still figuring out how I of all people managed to become someone who would be seen as any kind of spiritual leader. I've always known that I had good people around me and it's in times like this that I'm most thankful for the community God has allowed me to build through the years.

I know some of you have asked what I was preaching about - the lectionary text was Matthew 9:9-13, 18-26 and then I added Hosea 6:1-6 since Jesus quotes it in the Matthew reading. For some reason this congregation generally is only using one text each week (which I have theological issues with, but I worked around it). If you want to read a copy of it, I can email it to you. Just leave me a comment or send me an email. The title was "What do you see?" and generally talked about how we're called to show each other love and mercy because that's what God has already done for us. A basic idea, but one that needs to be heard repeatedly. :)

GULP!

Tomorrow morning I get to play preacher and I'm SO nervous! It's always been amazing to me to think that I have the same seminary degree that many pastors receive in order to be ordained and yet I have never felt equal to them in a professional sort of way. There are probably several reasons for this, of course, but mostly I think it's because I've never really led a worship service in that kind of role. The only preaching I've done was for my preaching class - and I don't think anyone would say that I was stellar or a natural at it. Ask me to come talk to a group of people in an office about Habitat for Humanity, I'm fine - I'll even volunteer to do it. But ask me to preach to people and I get VERY anxious. I don't even want to pretend that I have any kind of authority more than the people in the pews. I don't have it and I don't want it - whether I claim it for myself or others bestow it on me. I think that's one of the fundamental flaws with a lot of organized religion - we always seem to be putting a hierarchy on it when I'm not convinced God sees things that way. The only thing I have on John & Jane Doe in the pews is that I've read some books that they maybe have not. And I know there are books that they've read that I have not.

So anyway, I bet you're wondering how I got into this position in the first place. Well, it's Annual Conference weekend here in Missouri which means that all the church leaders are meeting down in Springfield leaving the rest of us to fend for ourselves. Churches all across the state are using "guest preachers" from among the masses of retired clergy, students who aren't yet a part of the conference on an official level, or other oddballs like myself that don't necessarily fit into a neat category. I'm seminary trained but not officially connected to this conference. I haven't been commissioned as a Deaconess yet (hopefully in April that will happen), and even then I will basically get a nod of recognition from the Bishop before claiming my seat on the conference floor. That's one of the cool things about it - I work as a part of the Annual Conference in which I serve, but my "chain of command" it actually outside of the conference hierarchy and lies with the General Board of Global Ministry. So, with no church position and no obligation to attend annual conference, two friends of mine who work at the same church (one as associate minister and one as interim pastor) asked if I would fill in for them while they're gone. I wanted to say no, but there was a part of me that thought, "No, you should do this. You don't get the chance very often and it will be good experience for you. You can grow from this." I dragged my feet on making a decision for about a week and a half before I said yes. And I've regretted it ever since.

Filling in for the pastor and associate is more than just writing the sermon - why didn't I think about that before?! I'm supposed to say prayers and lead activities that I've never had to do before (and in my Catholic upbringing, I never thought I would). I'm the one people will look up to to know when to sit or stand, when to say Amen, etc. and I'm not sure that I have a clue what I'm doing. It's not like I haven't been to church before, but I've never really paid that much attention to what it would be like to be the pastor. My only saving grace is that this is a small church, and when we've been there in the past to support our friends, everyone has been very friendly. I think they know that this isn't something I normally do and will be very gracious. I know that after the fact I'll be able to laugh about it, but right now I'm just dreading tomorrow morning. I know we've got some pastors out there - any advice for me?

Carter Work Project reflections

Now that I've been back at work for almost a week, the bruises and scratches are healing and I feel like I can talk a little bit about the experienceI had last week. To put it succinctly, it was amazing! There were people from all over the world that came together in several sites along the Gulf Coast to work on housing projects contributing to the rebuilding after Hurricane Katrina. I spent the week in Biloxi doing what they call a "build blitz" -an entire new house done in a week. Well, it was actually only mostly done by the end of the week - rain the two last days slowed up down and there were some timing issues with contractors that delayed our work inside the house but we did manage to get the exterior completely done in the 5 days we had which was still pretty amazing.

I haven't gone thru my pictures yet, but will put some up eventually. Instead, I have a link to my appearance on the local news in Mississippi. Please keep in mind that this was the 4th day out on site, it had been raining all morning and I never got more than 5 hours sleep each night I was there. Do not get blinded by my beauty - HAH! I never like to see myself in pictures (or on tv) but I have to say that I'm fairly happy with my ability to sound somewhat intelligent and not come off as completely ridiculous.

My house crew was really great - mostly AmeriCorps members from other Habitat affiliates all over the country (and mostly folks who work on the construction sites every day), but also some folks from the Biloxi area and other volunteers. Oddly enough, I had one volunteer on my crew who was from Kansas City - and she's actually come to my office and been thru our volunteer orientation before! We chuckled about that and had a great time the first few days while she and her daughter were there. One of the really cool things about my site was that we had some executives from one of the big casino/hotels in town out on the site. We had no idea who they were - everyone was just working on getting the house done and getting along great until lunch time on the first rainy day and all of a sudden a large number of fresh hot pizzas were delivered to the site. It turned out that one of our guys was actually the CEO of the hotel and he bought lunch for everyone! I did feel a little bad that the other sites watched us eating pizza while they were still waiting for the Salvation Army to deliver their lunches, but it was so good!

The other really cool thing about this project was getting to see Jimmy & Rosalyn Carter working alongside everyone and bringing all of these amazing people together. There was a lot of work that went into coordinating this project and everyone was very humble and made sure to include everyone else in the credit for it all. Jimmy & Rosalynn came around to all of the work sites and took pictures with each crew (I can't wait to see that one), and we got DVD's of the opening and closing ceremonies as well as a "week in review" montage that had some great shots of John Edwards, Garth Brooks, Trisha Yearwood, and lots of other folks who were a part of the project. I know there was tons of stuff I didn't get to see or do (including going over to Gulfport to see what Gulfside Assembly looks like currently) but I felt like I did get to a part of something amazing. Next year's Carter project will be in China/Thailand/Cambodia area - another multi-site project which sounds like it would be an incredible experience. Anyone want to sponsor me to go? How about coming along?

Going to Biloxi - thoughts before I go

This is the beginning of Habitat's busy season and things are really hopping. I can't believe how much goes on each day at this place and it's made me realize just how much I've learned since September when I started here, and yet how much I still have to figure out. We've gotten to the point where we are turning volunteers away because we just don't have enough work sites for them to all work on! Our Saturdays have been booked up for groups for months and are booked all the way thru the fall - which amazes me. And yet, in the middle of all of this business, I'm going on a trip next week. :)

All AmeriCorps members who are serving with Habitat for Humanity get together in the Spring for a big project. It's a little different each year, but this year we're a part of the Jimmy & Rosalyn Carter Work Project. I'm hoping that we get to meet the man himself and perhaps get an autograph! As far as I can tell from the information I've received up to this point, we're going to be doing a lot of work in several places. Some of it is going to be rehabbing homes that were damaged in the hurricanes but salvageable and some of it will be new construction. I'm excited that I'm going to be on one of the construction teams - it will be very different than my usual office position and I can definitely use some sun! Of course, the hours will be crazy (up very early and hopefully not staying up too late) and we'll be staying in a casino hotel since those are the only places big enough to hold all of us in that area. Oh, the irony! The humidity and heat will be considerable but I'm bringing sunscreen and aloe vera gel just in case.

While the luggage and packing list is prepared, I'm not sure that my spirit and emotions are prepared for this trip. I've been down to Louisiana a couple of time to do hurricane relief work and it was disheartening both times to see how little had been done in the time since the storms. It's been more than a year since my last trip and I haven't been to Mississippi before but I have a special connection to Gulfport (which is near Biloxi and one of the areas where we'll be working) and am dreading seeing its current condition. When I made the decision to become a Deaconess in the UMC, I was at a Deaconess Convocation held at Gulfside Assembly, a conference center right on the water that had previously been a church center for the use of African-Americans when the church was segregated. It was a beautiful, spiritual place and I heard it was completely washed away by Katrina (the most recent news I've seen is this article). I want to see and yet I dare not look - like a car accident or Ground Zero in NYC. What is it that compels us to go to these places and stare at the debris and gruesome remnants? I'm going on this trip and am going to do what I can as a part of a tremendous project, but it's not enough. Gulfside is a project of the church and is responsible for finding its own volunteers rather than using groups from other agencies and projects. Who will rebuild them? Perhaps someday I can go back on my own...