Reflections

I watched my sermon finally. I'm sorry to let you all know that I won't be posting it on the internet - for a couple of reasons. First, I really do worry about what someone else may do with it "out there" in the public realm. Second, what I typed out isn't really what I said anyway. I put a lot of work into this sermon - from the research into the text to the words on the page and than rehearsing those words on the page. I think it's interesting that when I finally got up to give the sermon, the words on the page were barely used.

It's a very surreal thing to watch yourself on camera - 10 punds or not, I know I'm way too big, and I can't believe how may times I adjusted my hair or gestured with my hands. And I speak faster than most preachers I've heard. Part of that is probably the fact that I talk fast most of the time (NJ upbringing) but I'd like to be more understandable next time. I would also like to know where the hick accent came from - I swear I don't sound like that normally! :)

So now that I've done this sermon and I survived, what do I do now? I had to think about everything that was told to me that day I preached - the compliments and suggestions that this is something I might actually like and should make aregular part of my ministry. At one point I was mad that my teacher/D.S. would tell me that I should reconsider my call - easy for him to say since it's my livelihood on the line! But now I think I'm coming to terms with this. Okay, I preached better than I expected myself to, and better than I really wanted to. I didn't want to be good at it - and I don't know that it wasn't beginner's luck - but the fact is that it went well. This doesn't really change anything. I still do not see myself being a pastor - I don't have the patience or desire. My call hasn't changed. No matter what I end up doing, people will ask me to preach on occasion, and I would have run away screaming before, but now I know that I don't have to do that. I can preach - and that's fine. As long as I don't have to do it every Sunday to the same group of people. :)

I was amazed at how emotionally worn out it made me and I wonder if others have that same experience. When I got done, my legs were wobbly and tears came to my eyes. A big part of that was relief, yes, but there was something more.... I don't really know how to describe it. I just know that it took a lot more for me than it seems to take my peers who di it every week. Perhaps it gets easier with practice (God, I hope so) or perhaps I go about it in a different way, but at least I know I'm capable when the situation arises. One sermon down, one more to go to complete the class...

gulp

I'm writing my first ever sermon right now - I have to give it for my preaching class Monday afternoon. Most of the people in my class are pastors of churches already and preach sermons every Sunday - I've never been and don't see myself ever being a pastor and have never preached at all. Growing up Catholic, I never had a "youth Sunday" where I got to help plan a service or anything - preaching was certainly not an option. I remember the first time I went to a United Methodist church and saw a woman preaching and how strange that was for me - not good or bad, but very different. Pastors and priests had never seemed all that different before then, but suddenly options that hadn't ever been considered became real possibilities.

When I changed my major to religion (from vocal music) in college, I really didn't know what I was going to do with it. There was no reason why, other than I knew I wasn't happy in the music department and when I went on my first mission trip I had an amazing spritual/emotional/gut reaction. I consider it to be my call to ministry of some kind. I knew that the work I was doing and the people I was doing it with were special and there was more that I could be doing with my life. I don't know that I've gotten much beyond that point wiht my call - I don't see myself as a pastor but there's no reason that whatever we do in life can't be considered a minstry if we have that intention. That being said, I'm in seminary and have chosen to get an MDiv (Masters of Divinity) - the same degree that pastors receive. Which means I have to learn how to preach. I don't know what I'm going to do with this degree (it's not required to be commissioned as a deaconess) but I've loved seminary until this class. This I'm dreading. Wish me luck and there will be reflections next week...

e-Confession

I was always find it interesting to see what the Today show considers to be "news" and this morning they intrigued me with a piece about confessions and the way some groups are reaching out using the internet. There's an evangelical megachurch in Edmond, OK (near my former residence) called Life Church which is using the internet as a way to do outreach and one of their ministries is online confessions. People can remain anonymous and type out their confessions online where they get posted for all to see. There are people who confess drug addiction, adultery, pornographic longings, etc. - and it's all right there for anyone to read. My personal favorite is the "sexuality section" where people confess they have had homosexual experiences or currently feel attracted to members of the same sex but want prayers to overcome their sinful ways. I'm not even going to begin on that one.... Once posted, the confession goes up with no information about the author, and they get categorized (by "sin" I guess) - and this is just out there for anyone to look at 24/7. They do have a statement that the site shouldn't be viewed by anyone under 18 as it contains adult content, but still...

The Today show actually talked about that bit on their show several months ago, but this morning's story was a follow up with a response from "other churches" - which actually was only a response from Catholics (no other protestant churches were mentioned or asked for their opinion). Big surprise - the Catholics aren't keen on the idea of online confessions. However, there was no mention about the differences in theology between these two denominations. For Catholics, confession and reconciliation is a sacrament - something sacred and intimately done between an individual and the preist (who represents/mediates for God). Protestants, evangelical or not, simply don't have this kind of belief. Confession is still something that is a part of many traditions, but it's not considered a sacrament, and is often done more as a group than as individuals. Nowhere was this mentioned. They just sensationalized the fact that Life Church, as well as other groups and websites, are offering places on line for people to tell their innermost, darkest secrets and that several Catholics think it's wrong or a bad idea. Yippee.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest, what do you think about the concept of online confession? Is it helpful to tell your secret, knowing you'll be anonymous but that anyone can read it? I can understand the need to tell, to get it out rather than bottling it up, but how do you know anyone is listening? Where does reconciliation come in? Is this an acceptable way to reach the unchurched population? If so, what does that say about our culture?

Living Wage vs. Minimum Wage

I've noticed a lot of talk lately about wages in the US. Whether it's WalMart employees that can't afford their own healthcare, or the overty line not moving in the last 10 years, there is a problem in this country with the buying power of the lowest paid. And of course, it's an election year so politicians are more likely to raise the minimum wage to win votes, but I wonder if raising the minimum wage is the solution to this problem.

I admit that I tend to be more conservative when it come to financial matters, while liberal on social issues, but this issue overlaps those two catgories. If we raise the minimum wage, that will help a little bit in the short term, but eventually companies will raise everyone else's wages and costs comparably so that in essence, nothing changed. It will help with housing the most, I would imagine, but I also admit that I am not an economics expert - I only had one class in college and it's debatable how much was actually learned there. I think that people who are working should definitely be able to afford the necessities (meaning housing, food, healthcare, clothing) on that income, and right now that isn't happening. I also think that raising minimum wage isn't going to do that - just like it hasn't done that in the past. It's going to take a much more radical and sweeping change to accomplish that, and it's not one that I see most people being willing to do. It would mean that we'd all have to change the way we live and shop. Am I wrong? Would raising minimum wage do more than I think? I honestly don't know, so I look forward to your thoughts and explanations...