Now what?

I've been debating the last couple of days how to deal with the news that the Judicial Council decided not to reconsider the decisions they made last October regarding openness of membership in the UMC, particularly depending on one's sexual orientation. I'm mad, hurt, sad, bewildered and many other emotions I have yet to name and identify. Someone asked me not too long ago why I stay in the UMC and how hard it must be to do so. Today it feels harder than ever, but I am committed to sticking it out. I don't even know that I can say exactly why except that I wasn't born into the United Methodist Church - I found my spiritual home and made a choice when I joined it. The reasons I found to join remain just as true today as they did when I joined almost 10 years ago. However, this wound just keeps getting deeper and I ask myself how much more I can take before it becomes a matter of self preservation. An abused person will stay with the abuser in the hopes of change, but that can often lead to their own demise....

I read a response from the Council of Bishops in the UMNS:
Bishop Janice Riggle Huie, of the Texas Annual Conference, said she was disappointed that the church court did not vote to reconsider the rulings, but said she "respects the Judicial Council and their process." Huie began a two-year term as president of the denomination's Council of Bishops this month. She said she also agreed with comments made in a concurring opinion issued with the ruling that "it is time for the issues addressed in Decision 1032 to now be debated by the United Methodist Church, as is occurring.""I agree that this larger issue belongs to the church, and the proper place for the debate to continue is in our church, specifically at the 2008 General Conference," she said. "We will continue our dialogue on how the church responds to homosexuals." (emphasis mine)

I have to say that while I appreciate Bishop Huie's support for the reconsideration of the original decision, I'm not sure that she understands that this issue is not about how the church responds to homosexuals. Yes, homosexuality is a part of this particular care, but the issue is about membership. How does our church decide who is in and who's out? It's a questions that has long been debated in the church at large, and it has great theological implications. We can't say that a pastor can decide who gets to join the church without putting a theological burden on them to make that call. There are some pastors who are more than happy to take on that responsibility, but I would be hesitant to wield that kind of power over anyone. Are we not ALL sinners and all humans, fallible and flawed in many ways? Can any one of us really make the call about who God would include and exclude from the Body of Christ??

Of course, this assumes that membership in the church = membership in the Body of Christ and I don't necessarily buy into that notion either. God throughout history has been on the side of the oppressed, and if the church becomes the oppressor that won't change God's faithfulness. I hold out hope for General Conference 2008 - and I plan on being there in person to make a witness for the inclusive nature of God's grace and love for ALL people. We'll see what happens then, and how many more times I'll have to hold onto hope and wait for the next meeting...